Day Three

Oh man!!! I am so hungry today!!! I've been thinking about baguettes from Panera all day long too. The lemonade today just isn't satisfying the hunger. I drink it, then an hour later my stomach is demanding more. I decided I would try and drink one of those Bolthouse smoothies before broke down and actually ate something. Got some blueberry blend, with lots of vitamin B in it. I don't know, maybe these smoothies are actually why I'm so hungry today? Usually I don't feel the intense hunger like this. Usually my stomach is satisfied being full with the lemonade. Just not today. It's kinda upset though I notice, especially now. BMs have been hard coming too. I am going to do the salt water flush tonight, and again in the morning. I need to get it all moving.


Today is called 'Hump Day' though. It's usually the hardest day of the fast. I will make it to tomorrow. I can quit tomorrow if I want. But not tonight.


And I realized that if I do go the full 10 days, I will be fasting next Friday when I'm supposed to be driving down to Lincoln. So I might only do 7 days. East out on Wednesday and stick to fruits and salads for a while. I remember how hard it was to actually eat anything after this cleanse. I mean --I get full SO fast cause the stomach has shrunk so much. And there are no digestive enzymes left anymore. I'll need to drink some probiotics and kefir. 


I've lost 5-6 pounds. abt 2 a day. I suspect most of that was from emptying out the stomach. Today it starts pulling energy from fat cells though.  Unless it hasn't gotten that far along yet, and maybe that's why I'm in such pain, it's pulling energy from the muscles yet? 

Day Two

Well, I've somehow made it to day 2. I was at B&N the other night, sipping a mocha, fully intent on stopping at the grocery store afterwards to get 'real food', cause my fridge was empty by then. I had been semi-fasting, eating one meal a day for 2 days, unable to last the whole day. Then for some reason  I decided I was gonna do it. I just had to. And so I drove past the store and went home. Been on the fast for 2 days now...
It's been okay. I haven't taken the salt water flush or 'The Tea' either day, and haven't really been having bm's except once a day. Constipated. I may do the tea tonight and do the salt water flush during the weekend. Just to get things going.
But I haven't had too many symptoms. Other then being tired, then exhausted by the end of the night. And stressed out at work, but think that's just work. We've been doing overtime for about 4 weeks now...
Tongue is coated and my teeth are furry!!! AGHH!!! It really bugs me, because I know I brushed my teeth this morning and it didn't even matter.
My nose has been runny.
I've only made one change to this fast this time. For my supper I've been getting a fruit smoothie, 100% fruit juices & purees. So it's still liquid but it's a change up from the lemonade. I've been looking forward to it all day. So hopefully I won't get so tired of the lemonade this time. Actually I'm just surprised that I still like the lemonade. Well, for now anyway.
Some guy is staring at me across the room. Stop staring at me wacko!!!
Is anger and aggression a symptom?? :)
I have a bit of the -eyes-glazed-over feeling right now. Just a little though. I think I'm just tired.

Master Cleanse -- Take 2

So...I'm doing this again. It took me a long ways last year. Rather...God took me a long ways last year. But I started with this fast. My body is craving bread and sugar again. Has been for a while. I was going to start today, I got through half the day, but I just wanted something to eat. I had a sandwich and bread at the coffeeshop. I bought some OJ and apple juice for the one-day juice fast. i am a little leery of the migraine it caused the last time, so I thought I'd add some apple juice in there. ..They're both still caulk full of sugars. :)
Actually...I was thinking about just not eating anything else today. Start 'The Tea' tonight. Salt water flush in the morning. Glass of OJ in the am, drink lemonade during the day. Apple juice when I get home at night. And perhaps make that my fast. THen I won't get so tired of drinking the lemonade so quickly? I think I will try it.
Things I remember from last time: 
drinking schedule -- (that still sounds kind of funny, hehe)
2 in the morning
2 at break
2 at lunch
2 at break
2 for supper


The Lemonade
--mix a double each time. Put ice in it, it will taste better! :) Drink lemonade when hungry. Drink water when having a craving.
--make all you need to get through the morning and afternoon, split it into 4 glasses, just the juice and the syrup concentrate, don't add water until you are going to drink it. Make your lemonade for dinner from fresh.
--Recipe for 2 shots: 1/4 C Lemon Juice, 1/4 C Syrup, Cold water, 2/10 tsp cayenne pepper. Only mix juice and syrup for concentrate to use throughout the day. 
--Cayenne --take it separately with just a bit of water quick, then lick the maple syrup spoon. (after you mix the lemon juice with syrup.) 


--4 lemons makes about 3/4 C of juice. You'll want to juice 1 cup in the morning for the day. And 1/2 cup for the evening.  
--Times I'm hungry -- 8:00, 10:30, 12:30, 3:00, 5:00
MAKE SURE YOU DON'T SKIP ANY OR YOU'LL GET WEAK AND SHAKY!! 

--record Moods and Symptoms or read about them to know what to expect each day --SO YOU DON'T QUIT!! :)


The Tea
--brew 'the tea' and leave it until it's cold. 8 ounces. drop ice cubes into it. It will taste better cold. Take it right before you go to bed - around 10:45pm.


--'The tea' will wake me up around 3-5am with bad cramping.




The Salt Water Flush
---SWF - try 2 1/2 tsp of salt to the big green waterjug (32oz). Warm water.
---SWF - lick the lemon between swigs. :)  
--SWF will take about 2 hours to run through completely. So take it 2 1/2 before going anywhere.
--Chug the SWF and take a really long shower while it goes through. ;) Or make the lemonade while waiting. Be careful that it doesn't flush the wrong way *drinking to quick or taking too much salt.


--Motto: 'I am determined to make it to tomorrow!!'
--Writing takes my mind off of food. Do anything to take mind off of food... 

My Way...

Well, last week was a very um...hard week. :) And I was going crazy out of my mind!
But hopefully this week will be better!!! I hope. I woke up this morning with a sore throat that stuck around for the rest of the day. I am hoping it is not a cold, but I went on an errand for lemons anyway to make my lemony concoction -- it's like a hot toddy without the liquor. :) Hey! I haven't had any wine for three months now! Whoa! Bar the communion wine of course. :)
But I got my oil paints out yesterday and painted a bit. So there is a heaping mess of painting supplies in the middle of my living room. And a huge easel that I somehow managed to fish out very carefully from behind the TV without breaking anything. But I was getting high off the fumes for a bit after I was finished for the night. :) And I am wondering if that is what caused my sore throat. :( I would love for it to go away! I am painting a tree. I just did the background yesterday and the trunk.
I have the task of painting some stuff for the sunday school and then I just got so excited to be painting again that I went out and bought some more canvases. But I have to draw a chest with some books in it, that is my task for tomorrow. I am just so excited to be digging into my art for once. :) Have not done that for a while!
Also! I finally have a new song in the works. I don't know how I got it. I was just plunking out randome notes on the piano the other night. It always happens that way, I can't settle down, I'm restless, I want to do something. But it's time to go to bed and I can't sleep, because I've turned into an insomniac! The Spirit will whisper to me to turn out all the lights and beckons me to come and sit down at the piano in the darkness and close my eyes. That usually settles me down  very effectively. And then a quiet, slow song will come as I sit and pick out notes. A song I have never played before. After several minutes it has developed and then I record it so I will remember how to play it the next morning, because that is how all the good songs come. In the middle of the night, when I am not paying any attention to what I am actually playing. The words for it are from Numbers 23 - one of my most favorite verses in the bible. 
God is not a man that he should lie.
God is not a human that he should change his mind.
Has he ever spoken and failed to act?
Has he ever promised, and not carried it through?
I have needed reminding of that this past couple weeks. That God keeps his promises. Even when I am wayward and don't always beleive it. When I am like Abraham and tread down my own path to work things out on my own. God always brings me back - I will do it this way, melia. My way. 

Coconut Oil

I've been reading some interesting things about Coconut Oil the past few days. http://www.coconutdiet.com/weight_loss.htm
Someone on the raw food forum had advised to add a tbsp to your morning smoothy. I guess, from what I had read, coconut oil is different than other oils - corn and soybean oil tend to be stored as fat in the body, whereas CO is metabolized very quickly, the body burns it because it has a hard time storing it, the end result is your body has more energy and burns more calories! I know that I am getting a lot of fats from the nuts that I eat, which is good, but I also get alot from the ranch dressing which is probably not as good... So I added a tbls of CO to my diet yesterday. And I also added MSM back into my diet (finally got it in the mail yesterday). I had noticed that I quit having those vivid dreams and I had kind of liked them. Plus it was having a positive effect on my skin. :)
Anyway, I woke up this morning and stepped on the scale - down  2 lbs now. I had thought that it was a fluke the other morning, cause I had seemed to loose 3 pounds overnight. I was thinking it was cause I hadn't eaten much the day before. It went back up two pounds the next day to what seemed more normal, then this morning it went back down again. I figure that must be where I'm really at. The scale had been telling me I hadn't been loosing anything all of last week, but my body was telling me otherwise. Now the scale agrees! Probably retaining fluids or something.
I was camped out in my room for hours yesterday, trying on all my old clothes (still finding unknown clothes in the depths of my closet!). The shirts that I had not worn because they didn't fit me for the past three years, are now too big! Whaaa!! I should have got them out sooner! They might have fit me last month. :( I was really surprised when I tried on my jean-jacket, it has always been a bit too tight in the arms so that it makes me uncomfortable and I can't even move them. And I coudln't button it up. But I slipped into that yesterday and had one of those 'what the heck' moments. The top of it is way too large now, shoulders and arms are very loose, and I CAN button it up, and now I feel like I am drowning it it. It's like it's a completely different jacket. Might use it in the  fall  if I remember that I still have it in two months. So is the Old Navy sweatshirt I have, I never zipped it up whenever I wore it because it was too tight, but now I am able to and it is actually a bit big. That is just amazing to me, how my body can change that much in just 2 months. I haven't tried my winter coat on yet, but I decided that I don't care how big it is on me this year, I'm still wearing it. Cause I like it. But I may or may not change my mind when I actually try it on. :P
I am joining the YMCA tomorrow. I have been doing Pilates at home every other day, but I think I could benefit from being in some weight-training class and I wanna be in the water!! Speaking of pilates, I think I stretched a bit too much on monday night. ;) I didn't think I had worked too much on the arms, I guess I was doing a lot of roll-ups though. But man were my arms sore the next two days! haha. I can tell that I haven't been working out for the past five years. And I think I need to work on those arms, cause now I am losing the famous bohm-family 'bat-wings' hahahaha. Darn it, now I have the batman theme in my head. nanananananana nanananananana batman....  
At the beginning of all this, I was afraid of eating so many nuts, because they have a certain amino acid or something in them that cause me to break out in coldsores - mostly peanuts do. If I even eat half a cup of them, I WILL have a cold sore a few days later. So I have stayed away from peanuts, but since I have never really tried any other nuts (cause i have never liked them and now I have gone crazy) I just assumed I would have the same reaction to any of them. But I haven't. Even when my lips were pretty chapped for a couple days from being dehydrated, which is another thing that causes coldsore outbreaks for me, nothing happened. I am hoping that this diet prevents them! Cause I hate them! And I have not had any cold symptoms since I started either. I know that I had a cold in May, that was the last one. I usually get them four times a year, especially if someone else I hang out with has one. Usually my nose always runs at work, but it hasn't since I did the MC. They say that a buildup of mucus in your body is what the cold virus - and other mucus-thriving viruses make their homes in - and the master cleanse is suppose to break up all that mucus in your body. THat was what the Lemons were for. I will have to note it when I do get a cold. Maybe I won't! That would be awesome too!
I started a kefir regimin Tuesday, Kefir is made from Raw milk I think, cultured so that it has good bacteria in it... It actually tastes just like yogurt. But it has 10 different kinds of cultures in it. Not my favorite taste in the world, as I hate yogurt, but hey - it's 100 times better than that nasty tasting kombacha tea!!! Think I might use it in my smoothie this morning.
Oh!!! I saw some raw cheddar cheese in Cub Foods yesterday!!!! I wanted some, but it cost five bucks. I didn't need it that bad yet, but something to try later on. I can also have goats cheese, but that also costs five bucks. Instead I spent five bucks on a dragon fruit. hahaha. Interesting and strange. It tastes kind of like a cross between a pear and a kiwi, after you peal it like an orange, the fruit on the inside is white with black speaks. Wierdest thing I have ever eaten! It was good, but I think I would have rather spend that $5 on a watermelon. yummy!
There was a mishap of a watermelon exploding on my kitchen floor the other day. I'm not sure how it happened, it just burst while I was away from home. :)
Oh, and I got rid of those annoying fruit flies. I set a trap for them! I pulled the garbage up, so they could fly in, but i could grab and close the bag quickly without them getting out the next morning. There was a bazillion of them little buggers in there. They live in the trash dump now. ;) I got rid of my tall garbage can, used the small one and stored it under my kitchen sink so they can't find it. Plus I can just use grocery bags instead of garbage bags. Very nice! :D  
And I finally got some popsicle molds! whoo-hoo! They're actually push-up molds. ummm...yummy. 
  

I've been neglecting this blog!! :)
I've lost 23 pounds so far!!! :D Whoo-hoo! I'm thinking I actually weigh about one or two pounds more, because I neglected to eat anything besides a huge salad and some watermelon yesterday. Just away from home too much. I tend to notice that when my life isn't revolved around my work schedule, then I don't eat as well. Mostly I am just sitting around the house so I am not too hungry and I just don't eat, i don't feel like eating. (more like it's because I'm lazy and don't feel like getting up to get something to eat.) I tend not to snack those three times a day like I need to. And all I have eaten today is a banana for breakfast and I had a bunch of watermelon at lunch. I should probably make myself a smoothie just to get some food into me. Figured I'd eat my big salad tonight instead. I have been wearing skirts around the house and to church now because my pants are just way too loose and they annoy the crap out of me. I figured if I really have to, I can sew a drawstring into these skirts and use them quite often. I have a jean skirt and that brown one. And I also have that pretty dress I could probably wear, which can double as a skirt if I wear a shirt over top of it. I just don't know what to wear to work, cause I can't wear my flipflops. Might have to find some shoes to go with these outfits, then they will look okay.
I am starting to loose weight around the stomach. Back at the very beginning of this (2 months ago!) I took some swimsuit pictures (blaghhhh) because I wanted to compare them after the 10 day master cleanse. But looking at those pictures that day made me think - melia, you need to lose this weight, it's killing you... I wasn't all gung-hoe about it yet, but I would be. I took pictures 10 days after that, there's not too much of a difference in those comparision-pics. But by that time I was okay with it, because loosing weight on the fast wasn't my goal, it was merely for detoxing. But I've been taking swimsuit pics about every 2 weeks since then. I think I have four sets now. And man - you can see the difference in this last one especially - my butt is shrinking!! :O And so is my belly. I don't know if I will ever post those pictures for others to see, unless I can actually do this, then maybe I will, beacuse they show better then my other pics how far I have come. But you can't see them right now! hehe :)
I had my monthly this past week, no sign that it was coming other than that I was ravenously hungry and craving all the wrong kinds of foods cause my body must need more carbs during that time. Very few aches - just a backache one afternoon, which I took Ibprophen for, so it went away. But no cramps or anything. One thing I noticed was the huge mood swings on Monday - two days before. I was in a foul mood all day long and just wanted people to leave me alone. But I think I caught Joshua on a bad day too, so we were just kind of clashing and rubbing each other the wrong way... :) By the time I got out of there I just wanted to go home and cry, but I couldn't cause I had VBS. I had a much better time then, I was with people I love. I think half of those mood symptoms depends on what kind of people I'm around. People who stress me out or people who put me at ease and allow me to be myself. Usually I will know that I'm in a bad mood because it's 'that time' and be able to take a chill-pill and deal with it, but on monday, even though I knew why I was feeling that way- I didn't care. I just wanted to be angry at the world!!!!! Period came 3 days early by the way. It did that last time too. So when I was going through the hunger and the mood swings that weekend, I wasn't for sure if that was what it was anyway, it seemed a bit too soon. Also - I tend to get a little tired the week before. I want to sleep in until the last minute.

Full of Joy

I've had an interesting week so far...interesting... :) I got moved away from the guy who drives me bonkers at work. Well - not really, now I just sit behind him, and now I'm just in the middle of three boys who poke fun of me. What happened? I thought Nick was quiet??? But he's just as bad as the other two! hehe. That's all right. That's what makes it fun working there. Hey - I work with a bunch of guys -  When they're not talking about videogaming, they're having three-hour long conversations about bacon, or the stupidity of chickens, or star wars and whatnot. What was today's topic? Oh yeah -- paperclips. I wish I had an emoicon for rolling my eyes! :)
     It has been an interesting week. Still going pretty steady in this Raw Diet. Actually, a few weeks back I was having doubts I'd make it a month, cause I was thinking about reeses peanut butter cups and cheese cake and pizza a lot during one of those weeks. But here I am... and I don't really want any of those foods anymore. The thought of eating those greasy, sugary foods - it just makes me sort of sick inside. I do crave bread from time to time.
My main problem is making sure I eat enough everyday. I still tend to slip quite easily into that pattern of eating nothing until super. But I make sure to take fruit with me to work so I can eat it during my breaks to quell the hunger. I love watermelon. I think I will get up and get some now! :) I have been experementing with different veggies/fruits. I even bought some mushrooms tonight that I thought I might add to the chilli soup i want to make this weekend. I figured if I like nuts now - maybe I'll like mushrooms?? Probably not. But I'll give it a go.
I have begun to notice how much my attitude has changed just in the past month. I am just happy and very talkative. I noticed that last night in biblestudy as I was sitting with my friends -- what's going on with me? I wondered. I'm normally a listener. I normally have a ton of things worrying my mind that prevent that smile from ever reaching the surface. Somehow they have gotten me completely open and talking -- somehow they've caught me actually being me. And now I am just filled with joy and I can't stop that smile. That is why I know I can do this. I have never expereienced such perseverence or self-control before - or such joy.
I will probably run down to the YMCA this next week and see if I can afford to get a membership there again. I miss swimming. I used to swim all the time.  But I had stopped because I don't like my body. But now I am starting - just a little - to see someone else when I look into the mirror now. It is sort of strange. :P The self-portrait I took the other day, I find myself gazing at it some times because I am beginning not to recognize her or the expression on her face. The clothes are getting baggier, the face is just beginning to change, the shoulders are more defined, the hips and waist are getting smaller. I am just hoping I can make it a few more weeks with these shorts! It's getting to the point of annoyance because they're getting so loose! And I know all that is going to continue during the next months - to change more and more until I look back on my old pictures and I don't recognize that girl anymore. And I happily await that day.
Did I ever tell you what I'm getting myself in six months (five months now!) if I can do this? I am buying myself an orchid. Because to me - an orchid is a thing of beauty. I know that beauty on the outside is fading - but you know what - I feel the inside changing too. I feel more peaceful and calm each day. And certainly more joyful and happy. And just giddy with excitement!! :)
At least the boys at work have stopped asking me why I'm smiling so much by now, they are no longer suspicious. They're getting used to it. They all know I'm doing this too, they've actually been quite supportive. Which is why Joshua keeps asking me if I would like a swedish fish everyday! He fains sweetness, but he's full of nothing but sarcasm from head to foot. ;)

I am Tired today. :O

I am tired today, but for um...more feminine reasons. :)
For girls only now! And I'm sorry if it grosses you all out, but - hey - we all go through it. ;)  So let's talk about periods! And how this raw lifestyle changes it. hehe. My mens came three days early, I am usually very regular, so that is unusual for me. A lot of women say that on this lifestyle their periods change a lot - if they normally have a very heavy or irregular flow it becomes shorter and not as heavy. When you get right down to it - your body is detoxing properly on this diet so it's going to change your monthly cycle too until it's running as it should be. Women who are going through menopause find that it helps with all the side effects like hot flashes and stuff like that.  
Honestly - when I get mine it isn't too bad, for the week before I am like an emotional rollercoaster - I get depressed five days before and then two days before I just get all out angry and if you're pisssing me off - I clam up and I'm just not even going to bother talking to you. Just give me some chocolate dang it and go away! hehe. You know that's what you're really thinking! ;) As long as I realize what is causing it I am always okay. I just know I need to take that day easy and do something to relax. But when I don't realize what is going on - then I give into all that anxiety and anger which makes for a terrible day.
When the period starts, I get some bad cramps for half of the first day and an afternoon of feeling uncomfortable and very tired. As soon as that first day is over then I am fine. Mood stabilized. ;)
Honestly - I knew I was going to have it this week, but I had no other 'side effects' that usually warn that it's coming - none of the anger or emotional ups and downs. I've been full of joy all week actually. I didn't even have any cramps. None of the muscle or back aches that get really bad around that time. But I am tired and didn't sleep as well last night, but that's about all. I really hope that continues. That would be sweet. :) I had pretty much lost my appetite this whole week and I am wondering if it was because of the cycle?? Usually I fill up on carbs and lots of sweets during the week before -- you know - those 'comfort foods'.  Kinda makes you wonder if it's the 'comfort' foods that make you so miserable during that time - because if you're eating twice as much sugar, then obviously you're going to be having highs, and then crashing really bad a while later. So you eat more sugar to get the high again. ?? I don't know, just something I was wondering about. Basically I was having to make myself eat, because my body just wasn't giving me the signal that it was hungry. And that makes it real easy to slip into that old mentality I had of not eating breakfast and lunch and chowing down at super.
I think that I may need to get up earlier again in the morning - an hour earlier at least. I remember that I got up around 6:15 during the Master Cleanse I did and I could get a lot more done before I had to go to work - not to mention I felt more awake while I was at work then. :) But I was thinking if I got up earlier, I could fix myself a better breakfast. Usually breakfast is 1 banana, 12 cherries, and a handful or two of blueberries, all blended into a smoothie. Easy way to get a lot of food in - I guess in the morning your body is still in a detoxing mode - that's why it's a good idea to drink lemon water and other stuff like that that tend to help it along. It also helps to drink a liquid breakfast - juice or smoothies. Because it's easier on the digestive system at those hours. Your body is breaking down toxins/cells. Around noon it shifts I guess and starts building up and lunch will be your most important meal of the day. And you eat every three hours in between that to keep feeding it the energy it needs for all those processes. They say three hours because that is how often a nursing baby feeds I guess. And I noticed when I did the MC that every three hours was when I was truly getting hungry. Basically when your body is saying feed me and even a bowl of brocoli looks good - eat - you're hungry. When your mind is craving pizza, and nothing else will satisfy you except pizza - don't eat because you're just having a craving.
I don't know how much of that is true - I was just reading about it from a few different sources.
Somedays all I crave is lots of veggies and leafy greens. Just give me a big salad - I don't want anything else. Other days all I want is a bunch of fruit - because I need more energy. I figure my body knows what it needs and is sending signals for different things. So I am just eating what it wants me too. That's why I had a bunch of veggies today and only a few servings of fruit this morning. It's just weird stuff like this that I am picking up on.
Anyway -- Amanda commented that she could tell I had lost some weight. 13 pounds! :) She could tell mostly by my face. I don't know. It doesn't look any different to me. But I can tell I've lost a bunch around the waist. Cause my pants don't fit anymore and I pull them back up twenty million times a day! You know, I didn't stop to think that when I started to actually 'transition' I was going to need new clothes cause my old ones won't fit me anymore. Yes thats exciting - but really it's just annoying too! So if you see me around and I look like one of those gangster boys wearing my pants below the waist and drowning in baggy shirts - don't think little of me! Unless you want to take me shopping! :) hehe. Maybe I will need to start saving up some money for that purpose! All I want for Christmas is a shoping spree! :O
Tonight I did try some steamed veggies - I only steamed them for about five minutes this time - they were basically just hot and still very crunchy - which is how I like them anyway. I will see tomorrow if it is the 'cooked' foods that give me that 'hit by a train' effect. ;) I don't think it will.
Let's see -- I decided to post the picture -- and it was scruptious! So I'll post the recipe too --
Brocolli
Cauliflower
Carrots
1 clove minced garlic
put all in your steamer basket - sprinkling the minced garlic over top of all
Steam for 5 minutes, adding several leaves of spinage about 1-2 minutes before you're done (don't want them too soggy)
Put on plate. I have allowed dressing and sauses into my raw diet (I am high raw but not 100%) so I poured some general tso's sause over the top of it - all natural ingredients and no preservatives (basically when you read the ingrediants and know what everything is - buy it.).
Oh -- and here's the kicker - you have to eat it with chopsticks. Especially chopsticks from Japan!! Otherwise it just doesn't taste as good. :D

Changes

I took some Ibprophen last night by the way and the headache went away. So it must not have been a full blown migraine or it wouldn't have gone away. Or it could have gone away because it was dark by that time and I was sitting in a dark room trying to rest. No thanks to the neighborly elephants who were stomping around upstairs! hehe. They must have a kid up there running around or something. I know it's a young somalian woman, I helped her carry her TV inside one day. She seemed nice, but they all kind of keep to themselves.
Anyway... I have lost about 12 pounds. So I've been losing almost 1 pound a day. That seems like a lot, but they were saying that it is a healthy weightloss, especially if you're big when you start, like me. It's supposed to taper off when your body resets itself at its ideal weight. I've been reading and hearing that you shouldn't weight yourself everyday, to keep you from becoming discouraged - but I find that it encourages me. I try to only weight myself in the morning though! Because sometimes I get addicted to that scale! hahaha. It's just so cool. All my pants are very baggy on me now... And the black Japanese t-shirt I had bought a few months ago is now so baggy on me it looks kind of bad. I'm still wearing it though cause I love to see people staring at the Japanese beacuse they don't know it's really english turned on its side to look like kanji. There - now you know the secret too. hehe. it's funny. I love wearing those Christian T-shirts, you would not believe how many Christians stop and talk to me because they read it as I was passing. It's really cool. :)
Anyway....
I saw that guy again this morning - the one who lives in this apartment complex and drives that white ford focus. I thought he was losing weight! Cause when I first met him he was a pretty big guy and I saw him today walking out the door and thought to myself - Who's that? I've never seen him before. Then he walked to his white car and I was like OH! Holy cow! He looks like a completly different person now. That's cool. He's quite shy though, I've held the door open for him a few times and he'll say 'Thanks' really quietly, but that is the extent of our conversations. :) And I always open it for him when I have my arms loaded with groceries! haha. And I open the door for the guy who lives across from me too. Come to think of it - I open the door for a lot of guys! What is with that? Isn't the guy supposed to open the door for the girl??? :) The only guy who opens it for me all the time is the black man who lives down the hall, but that's just because he's so sweet! :) Not that I like him in that way. (I know my mom will ask if I leave that unsaid!) ;)

Headaches

Wow, I have a wicked headache today. We just relocated to the other end of the office (yes we moved AGAIN! this is at least the 20th time), and they had all the lights on. Normally Mike turns half of them off so we girls don't have headaches from the terrible florescent lights.) But Mike didn't get around to us until around 2:30, and by then it was way to late -- headache has already moved in and seems quite fit to stay for the night. Pressing all the reflex points isn't helping me either, might be a migraine, I feel sort of sick at the moment. Florecent lights are one of the main causes of headaches and migraines in the work place, especially because florecent lights flicker, even though the human eye cannot see it and that flickering can trigger migraines. I think I'm just gonna have to shut all the curtains and keep my eyes closed for a while.
Maybe I'll try some ibprophen first. :( Man, I certainly don't miss this pain though. Migraines run in the family though, but I haven't had as many problems as I have this year with them. I am very reluctant to use any medication for them though. But for the past month I haven't had a single problem until now, and that was brought on by the lights not being the way I am used to them. So I'm pretty confident that this Raw Diet is helping me a lot in that respect. I am just assuming that all the sugar I had been eating was triggering them. I hope it's not chocolate though. ;) I was going to make some more of those raw chocolate brownies this afternoon. I might put half carob and half cocoa powder in it instead this time. I really just want some chocolate, but I don't want to buy it from the store cause it has a bunch of sugar in it! :)
I think there were some recipes for raw chocolate truffles on the internet that I might try instead though, but I think they had basically the same ingredients.
I don't know what's been going on with me the past few months, but I am just not writing like I used to. I haven't really been writing at all. I think I have just been doing this particular book for so long that I am growing bored with it. Really I think it's just because I'm uncomfortable with how the ending goes. I hadn't really mapped out the last quarter of the book, so I am very disorganized and don't know what comes next. Maybe I should start with mapping it out. I gotta do something to get this jumpstarted and I have to do it soon.
On another note - I just remembered that I was supposed to be recording piano music all week -- And so far? I have only recorded one, and I will have to redo that one cause I hate it! :) And then I have to decide what I am playing for church when Aug. 1 rolls around!! I have a new song in the works, but I'm not sure if it will be ready by the end of the month. I'm still playing around with it. It seems that my longer pieces, the ones that have different - oh - movements in it, those take me well over 3 months to compose. I just play it again and again and again, adding more and more and tweaking with the harmonies until I decide it's finished. Those longer songs never have lyrics to them. Well, except for Lord God of Heaven. Which I will be recording this week! Whether I want to or not! I wish I could somehow record the organ part that goes with it. Cause it really sounds cool when it's all put together. Maybe if I wrote it out I could have Gin playing a piano/organ duet with me! She would love that. :)
I still haven't written out the music for any of these pieces in Finalie, cause my Midi just sucks. :P I will have to talk to that piano guy at the music store, he was saying I probably had my Midi set up wrong. Could be, I haven't used it for five years, I didn't really try to figure it out. I used it for a week and gave up. hehehe.

Happy!

Well, been enduring the recarpeting phase at Navitor for the entire day - So basically - people shouting to each other from opposite ends of the room, throwing crap, pushing stuff across the floor, driving me insane. I had my headphones turned up, and could hardly hear my music! :) And the smell of that glue -- oh man... It was making me naucious. And I think I am slightly high now. haha. :) Against my will of course! Finally home, just to enjoy another day of it tomorrow. I think they should have just stuck with the old carpet. ;)
There is a Sumalian kid knocking at my window and waving at me right now. What a cutie! ;) hehe. That just made my day. :D
As for the Raw Food Diet, I have officially lost 10 pounds now. Not sure where I have lost it, but heck - that's like the weight of a bowling ball! I have been wearing some shirts that I haven't worn all year long because they had been a bit tight. And I'm glad I got over the chills that I had been having through the first week. Not needing to wear sweatshirts at work now. ;) They said that would happen and it would take about 2 weeks to readjust. Weird what the body goes through. That is the correct spelling of 'weird' by the way! :) hahaha. It was just bugging me until I went and looked it up!

Smiling

All smiles today. :) Literally, I can't stop smiling. :) Which says a lot cause as soon as I got to work I had to do 77 MCC orders right off the bat!! blaghhhh... Mainly - MCC work is mindless drone work, I don't even have to think while I do it!!  They send me crappy art, I approve crappy art. We print crappy art. And -- They get crappy cards. Which is why I can plow through 77 orders in two hours. Just so you know - I would never EVER approve crappy art on the Navitor side! So send your stationary products to us to print!!! :) Honestly, I don't know how such a business could stay running! We are all bewildered and amazed! :) Hope they're cheap at least. I wouldn't pay for them... Although I did see some pretty wierd stuff. Like green flying monkeys. As art, I mean, there were no real flying monkeys...but that would have been sweet if there were! ;) And the rest of the day Joshua and I bashed the movie The Avatar for being so completely horrid and terrible!!! Well, we knew it would be, so I don't know why we thought we should see it! haha. That was a complete waste of $10. Unless, you haven't seen the anime, it might be a little good. Maybe...Probably not. Go see it! I mean, don't see it!!! But I feel great today! And obviously a little giddy and weird. My coworkers always give me weird looks whenever I can't stop smiling. How the heck do you spell weird? I before E, except after C.... Wierd. Well, that just doesn't look right!! The grammer guy who came up with that rule was an idiot! So I'm going to spell it the other way. Weird!
I think I was so tired yesterday because I ate cooked food or something. I'm not really sure. I'll probably try some steamed dish next weekend and see for sure. I've never sat on the couch for the entire day yawning my eyes out like that before. As I was driving to the grocery store, I began to think that wasn't such a good idea. I was really not mentally with it!
Today I made a salad so big I couldn't finish it all. And I felt sick the rest of the afternoon because I tried to! You should probably not eat your entire days' serving of veggies in one sitting. :) I think tomorrow I will probably prepare my salad before I go to work - then put it in two seperate bags! :)
And I discovered another great tasting smoothy -- 1 pear, 1 banana, handfull of blueberries. I think that was all I put in it. It was good though. Mostly I was too lazy to pit a dozen cherries, so I grabbed a pear cause I hadn't tried that before. :)
And I have discovered that in the life of a Raw Foodist - bananas make the world go round! I have at least 16 bananas sitting on my table right now! The last time I ran out I didn't know what to do with myself! Basically they are good to have around when you have cravings because they fill you up for a while.
Still trying to get used to eating more everyday. When I was on the SAD diet, I would rarely eat anything before supper (not good!) and then I would get really hungry by then and overeat. So I am not used to this eating all the time. Supposed to have small meals six times a day, three hours apart, which, while I was on the Master Cleanse, that was when I got truly hungry - every three hours. Who knew I could loose weight while eating a lot more! I suppose I am eating the way my body wants me to now.
I wonder if I hadn't told other people that I was doing this, if I would have given in by now. I don't know, maybe I wouldn't have. I have a great God who is on my side! And I am trusting him. :) I just feel so great right now. I don't even want to go back to the way I used to eat. And that's fine by me.

Surviving the Chocolate Withdrawl! :)

Man am I tired today. I feel like I've been hit by a bus or something. I was reading on the forum (http://www.rawfoodtalk.com/) that eating cooked food when your body is used to raw foods will do that to you, because your body has to break down and get rid of the toxins which slows it down. Others say they feel extremely tired and lathargic. I would agree with them 100%!!! I didn't think it would have this effect - I just assumed when they mention cooked foods they mean pasta or McDonalds or something like that. I didn't think steamed veggies would do it too. I guess because your digestive system has to work harder? I don't know.
It could also be the MSM though, I took that basically for the first time this morning.
And it could also be because I didn't get up until 9:00 - which pretty much screws your whole day up! :)
We'll see what happens tomorrow. I've been all raw today, so I should be feeling good tomorrow. If not - I'll know it's the MSM. One of its side effects people comment on is poor sleep and wierd dreams or nightmares, if I notice that going on - well... I just hope it doesn't. I have been sleeping pretty good the past three weeks. Still filled with vivid dreams. I wonder if it corrects your sleeping patterns to what it should be, so that when I wake up in the morning, I'm in REM stage and in the middle of a dream. Maybe that's why they seem so vivid and I seem more rested and peaceful lately? Dunno. But I pray the MSM doesn't cause any of those problems for me.
I got through my chocolate craving yesterday, and now it's completely gone after reading Paul Nison's article on chocolate and that it's not actually healthy or good for you at all. Did you know that cacao is one of of the most addicting substances known? And is extremely toxic to the liver. And if you eat it in high amounts it will give you hallucinations and all that other stuff that is usually associated with LSD??! No other animal, besides humans, will eat cacao beans. And if you can trick an animal into eating them, it will greatly shorten their lifespan if not kill them immediately! I would agree that it's extremely addicting. :)  If you want to know more about it you can read his article.
http://www.rawlife.com/store/pages.php?pageid=32
Feel free to argue and disagree! I too love chocolate! :)

Chocolate...

Um...so I've been craving chocolate all afternoon... I went to the store with the sole purpose of buying a Green and Black's chocolate bar! But they didn't have the 70% that I like and I didn't want to get the 85% - I probably should have I would eat less of it. :) But I got some dates and some carob powder. Carob is simular to cocoa, has a little bit of a different taste to it, but it has no caffine in it (or the host of symptoms that carries..) And it has low calories and no fat at all. So when I got home I decided to try the raw brownie recipe, because really, I was going to die! :) Lets see - one cup of dates and one cup of walnuts (I used almonds though) and 1/4 cup of carob powder, and 1/2 tsp of coconut oil. Blend it in a food processor for a while until it is virtually paste. Refridgerate or freeze. So I am waiting for it to set now. But I keep stealing bites of it. Not exactly the 'perfect brownie' but it does taste pretty good and very sweet. Actually, it would be a good base for a fruit pie or something. Oh! I want to make a raw apple pie sometime this week. You make a pie crust out of processed nuts and dates. Then a filling out of creamed apples and bananas, with cinnamon and nutmeg and those kinds of spices. Then put apple slices on top, more spices and enjoy. You could also use that pie crust as a crumbly top for cobbler. :) Or Granola! :) Ok. Gotta stop writing, I'm making myself so hungry.
So this morning I took some of the MSM powder (extreemely good for skin, restores it's elastic...um virtues I guess. It tastes nasty by the way. Basically have to suck it down. Then I spent 10 minutes making a cherry smoothy (yummm). Took my vitamins when I was halfway finished with it (figuring that would be enough food in my stomach to keep them down...) and then before I even finished it, I had to run to the bathroom and threw it all up...  Stupid vitamins.... And all that delicious, nutritious smoothy wasted. I've always had problems keeping these vitamins down ever since I got them, doesn't matter what I mix them with. Usually I am just really queezy for half an hour. Anyway....tomorrow I will try them after I eat a salad and see what happens then! 
Man - I love how I have virtually no dishes - just silverware and a few glasses. Since I'm not using meat or anything, I can just rinse off my salad plates and bowls with water right after I'm done with them.
Oh, I just remembered I was going to 'cook' myself a meal tonight! I bought a steamer last night. Gonna have corn on the cob, and then some stuff to make an asian dish.
I must admit - I have a headache right now, it may be from not eating much today, basically - after the smoothie/vitamin disaster this morning I compensated by eating a banana because I was running out the door to go to church by then, and had a salad at lunch. It's much easier for me to tell when I am full and stop eating. I notice my salads keep getting bigger and bigger cause I keep adding more veggies to them! But my stomach is saying - you are NOT eating all that! :P Also - as a person who has hated nuts all my life - I've developed a liking for almonds - especially on my salad. Weird - I know. ;) 
I am not drinking nearly as much water as I need to be either. I'm gonna have to get back on top of that.
Ok - I need a brownie now! :D

Releasing

Well, I'm down 8 pounds. :) That's about 1/2 lb a day for fourteen days. Well - I didn't have a scale for the first week, so that's actually 10 days. And so I've probably released more than that. My pants are getting quite - um - baggy. :) Exciting and annoying at the same time! But I am wearing some church clothes today that I had stopped wearing because they had become too tight and I was too uncomfortable in them. They fit pretty well right now. So I think I've lost some around the belly and around the waist. The only thing that I'm worried about on this diet is loosing too much too fast so that the skin doesn't heal and keep up with it -- I'm afraid of having loose skin. I've looked around at the posts on the forum and they keep saying that there won't be a problem with that on this particular diet - something about it keeps the skin very elastic and as you release weight, your skin will shrink to fit you. I hope that's the truth! I don't want flabs of skin! Ew gross! :) Although -- I was listening to one of Phillip's videos the other day - he's a guy that used to be 300lbs or more and he lost like 150 of that. The skin didn't really give him any problems, it shrank with him. And he was taking a supplement called MSM powder, which is supposed to help with that problem. So was another girl on the site. BUT - he also said - loose skin should not be your focus right now - it can't be - loosing weight should be. Because right now - as long as you are at this weight - you are dying. And I thought - well, that's certainly true. But it's still worrying me a bit. ;) But I got some of that MSM - it was hard to find because I guess it's an ingrediant used to make meth. I found it at Vitamin World, the salesman was trying to persuade me to get the Omega3 Fishoil pills instead or to guy some of the multivitamins I was looking at so that I could reach the $25 to become a lifetime member, I was a 'lifetime' member at one point, so obviously you must have to shop there often to keep it. Anyway, I was pretty annoyed by the time I got out of there, I just wanted that and felt pressured to buy the other stuff, which I told him I didn't have the money for anyway. I guess he was just being helpful though, so I won't hold it against him. :) Anyway, I'm going to try that.
Anyway, gotta get to church soon and I still have to learn how to sprout beans!

Day Fourteen!! :)

Whoo-hoo! Two weeks! ;) It has been incrediably easy to stay on this diet. Sure I get cravings sometimes for chicken and certainly for chocolate every once in a while, but they're just passing -- I haven't gotten to the point yet where I HAVE to have chocolate!!! But I did check out the green and blacks chocolate bars - they are probably the safest way to go when I do decide to eat some, as they are all organic. Too bad they don't make smaller bars (never before have I said that! hehe) But I'm not getting any yet. I'll see how long I can hold out. Or I could look up some raw recipes for chocolate. And I've been thinking about making a meal on Sundays - once a week for a change-up. Otherwise - I've been eating salads for two straight weeks! hehe. Not minding it one bit. But I went to the bookstore today and did some reading on this lifestyle and other similar diets. 'Eating to Live' says that if you steam veggies they will still retain the nutrients because the water isn't sapping out all the vitamins and stuff. That's great because I have really been wanting some corn on the cob!! So I might try that tomorrow night and make some type of asian dish -- I miss my stirfries! :( And I might make some chilli on Monday, I'm supposed to be able to heat it a little - just don't boil it or anything. Which reminds me to sprout some of those beans before Monday rolls around, you're supposed to soak them in water for 24 hours? I think. Better check that before I do. :)
Anyway -- I have been feeling wonderful the past few days. In the forums I read other people complaining that they go through a 2 weeks to a month of detox once going 100% raw and feeling uncomfortable and stuff like that, being tired before they turn the bend and actually feel so great. But I have been feeling pretty great this entire week. There were a few days in there where I was a bit on edge at work, but I think that it was just my attitude. I prayed and I changed and it got better. It was employee appreciation week at work so all week they have been giving us cookies and dilly bars and providing lunch -- none of which I could eat. Well, they did give us an orange for 'orange you great' day...yes, they're dorks...but I don't think they realized that orange season has passed and so they tasted nasty! :) I even told Connie I wasn't eating sugar and to keep that cookie away from me! :) That stuff just doesn't even look appetizing. That's so weird. I would have scarfed that cookie three weeks ago! That and putting up with Joshua - who continues to tease me. 'I don't know why anyone wouldn't want to eat a free dilly bar, especially one that's covered in chocolate!' :) He kept pursuading me to go and get one so I could give it to him. hehe. He's funny. I gave him a copy of my piano music because he knew I had been recording all week, and he keeps asking me how it's been going and I know he likes piano music. 'Are you really sure you want to give this to me?' he asked, 'you know I will critique it.' I just smiled, "I'm not scared to give you that at all, but I'm scared to give you my book..." The next day he came back and told me I needed to fix something in the first song - change that D sharp to an E flat, he said. I laughed and looked away, I'm still wondering if he knows that those are the same note. ;) Silly man. Actually the fact that he keeps bringing up the 'no sugar' policy keeps me motivated. Just to prove I can do it. So I'm glad he does. It's kind of funny really. But enough about work.
Oh - I made a delicious smoothy for lunch!! I pitted 12 sweet cherries (those big, dark purple ones that come out later in the season)  -- and they also stain your hands purple by the way! :) A handful of blueberries and one banana, threw them all in the blender with four ice cubes and it made a really really good smoothie. It was thicker then the ones I normally make, so it was excellent. Man, now I want another one! I usually make one with an orange and a banana and pinapple if I have it, and because there is more juice from the orange it makes it more liquidy. I think the cherry smoothie would taste good frozen too! I've been trying to find popsicle molds, but can't find one yet. I've only looked at walmart though. So if anyone sees one tell me about it!! :)

Good Feelings

I just noticed that since I started the master cleanse on June 9th - I have not had any back pain at all. Normally it is really bad and usually my neck is always hurting and I always have a hard time trying to sleep at night. All that has gone away - I haven't had any problems since I started. And I remember that in the days before I started I must have twisted a muscle my back pretty good because I would move and gasp because it would hurt so much. The very first day I started the master cleanse it was gone and I have not noticed any problems since then. Well -- when I sit here on the couch like this my back starts to ache a little, but it goes away as soon as I get up.
But I've been sleeping a lot better too, except from 6-7 when the sun has come up and I am trying to hide my eyes from it! Must sleep...9 more minutes... How come alarm clocks have 9 minute intervules anyway!? :) And I remember that I have been having vivid dreams every night now, I don't remember what they were about, but I just know that the night has been full of dreams. I know before this I rarely remember dreaming.
Mood has been rather up and down lately, especially at work - mostly cause I just don't want to be there anymore! Sick and tired of worrying about getting at least 35 hours every single week when we are being pushed out the door two hours early each day... Well-- except for today-- Lori handed me an order -- at 5pm!! And said 'I'm sorry! This came down from the office late, I don't know where they were hiding it! It needs to get out tonight!!" I said - ok, I'll get it done quick, figuring it'd take me five minutes -- not knowing that it was an ASPEN order! (Aspen orders are neither quick nor easy...) Ten minutes later she ran over with the other eight parts that goes with the order that I have... Everyone else left - you think that while I was working on the first part, another Aspen GA could have taken the other parts and figure them out! I was sort of pissed by then. ;) 
Five minutes later everyone was gone except the two boys, even my sup and groupleader. And there was no one to verify that it was correct, I had to turn Char's computer back on to even send it to the Room. It took me an extra hour finish. Maybe less if Joshua and Todd would stop talking at me the entire time... :) hehe. So hopefully I did it right, I'm not 100% sure on those Aspen orders like I am on the regular stuff! I hate when they do that to us. Who cares if I have a life... Thankfully, I don't have a life, not tonight anyway. :) So I didn't really mind that much. I guess that is the the kind of stuff -- the 'going beyond what is expected' that the sup has her eye out for anyway. But they always do that crap to me! :) They must know I'll just do it and not whine like everyone else. :) I just write about them and whine about it then!hehe.
Anyway -- I had noticed that my mood was like this, and didn't really know if it was from just being unhappy - or if it's detox issues. Actually, I haven't really noticed any detox problems after I transitioned to the raw diet. I think I'm just not happy, this job depresses me and that's not a good spot to be in. Anyway, I lay in bed last night thinking about that, remembering the one other time that work was really getting to me - I had gone on a long walk that time and just talked to God and poured out all my anxieties on him. After that I was fine. So I did that again last night as I was laying in bed - I just prayed. Please Lord, give me peace and make me happy at work, let me be like I am when I'm around my church friends. Please help me to be content, I prayed. And I know that I can only ever be content when I am in Christ. And if He needs to make some changes in my life, to my body, to my mind, to my career, then I'm giving that over. Take it... And the next morning I was fine. Today I have been feeling great. All smiles like usual. Except when they hand me 8-part orders at 5pm when I am about to leave!
Aside from all that, I have been thinking about pursuing my photography more. Even if I were to get a job in the walmart studio just to learn the trade, I would do it. I think it would make me much happier than I am right now. I think that it would be very satisfying. But not yet, I decided. I'm going to think on that for a few months. I am going to go into this raw diet with all that I have and I don't want any major changes like that to screw it all up. I have never been so - I don't know how to describe this feeling that I have - so excited about this. I have never ever believed I could lose weight and be healthy and pretty. Never have I believed that. And that stopped me from even trying. But something in me has changed and I don't even know how to describe what I am feeling! It is wonderful though. I know that it is all God. I would never have this much self-control - I would never do this on my own. I don't want to. God has just been teaching me so many things this past year about fasting and eating and making me painfully obvious to what my current diet is doing to me. To tell you the truth - I learned about the Master Cleanse one night while I was on Earthclinic.com looking for cold remedies. I don't even know why it caught my eyes, but someone had a post on it, she mentioned the ingredients. I was thinking - these people are starving themselves! Why would you ever do that? I don't even know why I did any research on it at all! haha. Somehow my thinking went from negative to completely the opposite as soon as I learned more. A week later I went and bought myself a bunch of lemons!! It was the same with the Raw Vegan lifestyle. At the beginning of the Master Cleanse I had every intention of going right back into my old SAD lifestyle (Standard American Diet). And somehow - while enduring flu-like symptoms for a week and feeling like crap - I learned about the raw diet - and I remember thinking distinctly that I would never have enough self-control to eat only fruits and veggies. I need my sweets and chocolate!! And it went from that negative thinking into the complete opposite somehow in less than two days - and now I am gung-hoe about it. I think after enduring the Master Cleanse - which was the hardest and most satisfying thing I have ever done in my life! I realized that I did in fact have self-control - lots of it! I didn't have to let my stomach govern me. I didn't want it to. I began to learn about my body then and what sugar did to it. And I didn't want those headaches and those backaches because - man, I just feel so good right now! :) I first decided to do it for 2 weeks. Then for one month. Then for 6 months. :)  For the first week I had to take it day by day because it scared the crap out of me!! But now it is much easier this week. I am getting used to the routine. And I even kind of like those green smoothies in the morning. Yes, I know, strange. And, well, I have always loved fruit and salads, so I'm kind of in heaven now. ;) One thing that helped me - and still helps me - is continuing to learn about this lifestyle from people who are already doing it. And seeing the before and after pics are very inspiring to say the least. I wonder what I would look like outside of this - well, this fat-suit, because everyone looks completely different and so pretty when they lose all that excess weight. They don't even look like the same person. :) And it's so nice to have friends and family who are supporting me, and - well, yes, even Joshua, who still reminds me everyday that I cannot have sugar. I know he's just waiting for me to screw up. hehe. I'm not going to though. Actually, I think he's more concerned that I may never make him cookies again. He was very worried about that last week! :D I have had no desire to bake or cook. In fact - I hardly have any dishes anymore! THat's great, I hate washing dishes. :) And it's much easier when I'm living like this - it's more simple. I hated cooking for myself (I was a fast-food queen!) I don't have to be in the kitchen for 30min-1hour preparing food anymore - it only takes me 5-10 minutes now. :)
I still find it really weird that I don't crave sweets or chocolate or processed foods, fast food. Not in the least. Not even pizza...unless I think about it too much. :P I guess that Master Cleanse detox is really powerful. That's good. Because if I did crave those things, I wouldn't be able to do this at all.
Soli deo gloria -- to God alone be the Glory. :)

Body Odor

Well, last night, those cramps were really terrible for about an hour and sorry for the details, but what was in my stomach was hardly digested. My digestive track must not be working 100% yet, I noticed that all week it's is still rather loose -- not diarrhea or anything -- but you can tell what I ate -- unless that's what your bm's are supposed to be like without sugar and processed foods and meat. I was just thinking that. Anyway, it may have been the pinapple I ate for lunch that made me have such a bad reaction when I ate the salad -- even though it was about 6 hours apart -- I noticed some of that in the bm too, not very digested. As soon as I got it out of my system then I felt fine. I have been eating salads for-- well, four days and hadn't had any problems until now. I think it was just the combination. Anyway--- enough about my bowel movements!! :)
I noticed this a few days ago, but have been hesitant to say it because I didn't know if it was true or not - but I don't have body odor. --I still perspire, but there's no BO smell to it at all. Today I went without deoderant to test it -- and nope - nothing. I suppose since you detox you get all the bacteria out of your body and pores which is actually what causes BO in the first place. Other's have mentioned this in their blogs too. So I hope that is something that continues. It would be great if I never had to wear deoderant!! :)
I don't know what's going on with me lately, but I have just noticed that I'm not happy when I'm at work. I don't like being there anymore. I began to wonder what I would do if I wanted to get another job. I was thinking about pursuing my photography further. Working under someone to learn it more. I would really love that. I think I may look into it.
I also thought that I should make some new music CD's -- Dad's birthday is coming up and I know that he would love it. He told me a few months ago that I needed to record some more piano music for him, my first one wasn't long enough! I was thinking about selling them this time though. And maybe putting 30% of whatever I made off of each CD toward something at church. I don't know what it would go to yet. But that was just an idea I had. Maybe sell them for $15 or so. I'll need more music on it of course. :) I'll check into all the songs that I can put on there.

The Cramps!

Oh my gosh - the cramps, the cramps....I'm going to die. Ate a salad around 8pm and it's having it's revenge on me now... I hardly drank any water today, that's probably why.
I did end up going for a walk tonight, after I spent an hour figuring out how to put music onto my MP3 player.... :) But it works great now. ;) How long have I had it??? hehehe.
That's all I have time to write, I need to WRITE! And now it's 11pm and I have successfully opened the file twice and shut it twice within two minutes.... If I would just stop waisting all my time on the stupid internet!!

Tempation -- Part 2

Been feeling pretty good. No sugars or processed foods for more than 2 weeks. Haven't had a headache or a migraine for 17 days either!! That alone is worth it, cause it sucks when you're popping thei ibprophen every six hours and leaving work early beacuse of migraines... I sincerely hope it's not the chocolate that was causing it! THat would make me really sad. I haven't had chocolate for more than two weeks either. And I'm not dead! (who would have thought...) :) I just feel happier and calmer. And I feel like going for walks (too bad it's been raining every night...) :

Well, I had been doing good this week, until the convention that is.... That was pure torture! All the desserts were chocolate and they had chicken and roast beef and ham piled on top of all the salads they fed us. The meat didn't look at all appetizing and even when I tasted a bit of it, it just tasted really salty and gross. (what happened to my tastebuds???) It was all the chocolate. I was going to go crazy, but I didn't have any. I did eat mash potatoes, even though raw foodists aren't supposed to eat anything cooked. And I did eat a roll (which was yummy). And right away I could feel it making my stomach turn. I suppose when you feed it nothing but nutritious foods for a week it doesn't want anything but that! Alot of people say that once they go on the raw diet their bodies adjust to it and they can no longer tolerate any other cooked, processed, or sugary foods. Because you can tell right away the effect that it has on your body when you eat it, that right now - while you're still eating those things, your body is kind of numb to it, I suppose. The last two days I've really been craving veggies and salads. Today I ate a whole muskmellon by myself!
I find that when I do want to snack, I'm reaching for something salty now rather than sweet - I grab the sunflower seeds. And last night I noticed it and I realized why I was doing it (I was bored and watching the TV) and now I feel kind of guilty when I do it so I put them down and went out and got some frozen fruit juice and ate some of that instead. I did it again today, took a second to consider why and realized I was really hungry, so I ate a handful of the seeds, then got up and cut the rest of that melon up. I decided that if I do need to eat - I can't reach for the seeds and nuts, I need to grab some fruit or veggies - often I just want something to chew on. It's just nice to notice when and why I am snacking, usually I just do it out of habit and don't even think about it.
And then after the banquet tonight (when I was extremely worn out and just wanted to be by myself)they wanted the young women reps to gather for a devotional, when we got there one table was completely laden with junk food and chocolate. I wanted to just cry! It was like someone told them, "'melia bohm can't eat any chocolate, so let's make every single one of our desserts this weekend delicoiusly scrumptious looking and full of nothing but that! mwhahahahaha"
And all I could do was pray - Please Lord, find some way to get me outta this!
Two seconds later someone came in and said there was another tornado watch and we were supposed to go downstairs and wait in one of the rooms. So I um...slipped away, drove through the storm (still praying) and went home. I didn't care if there was a tornado on main street! I was getting out of there!!! :) ANd now I am safe from junk food and chocolate for the rest of the night! Whew. hehe.
   So in conclusion -- tonight's tornado warning might have been my fault. ;) Unless there was actually a tornado, then it is not my fault...I don't know what you're talking about.

Temptation!!!

 Well, today was a hard day... ;) Had the LWML convention today and I've been worried all week what they were going to feed me for lunch. It was a salad though, but they had a bunch of meat piled on top of it, which I scooped to the side. Basically I just ate lettuce since they had nothing good for dressing, that was all. And a few cucumber slices. I was scared that I'd cave, I wanted some bread as it went by, but I passed on it. And of course there was a plate full of chocolate stuff. If it wasn't chocolate I woudln't have had a problem, but they were all brownies and rich chocolate stuff... My mouth was watering. I tried not to look. :) But I didn't eat one! I talked to Lisa a bit about the raw foods thing I'm doing (I had told her about the fast I was on last week). And when we went to look at the displays they had chocolates sitting on all the tables to eat! AHhh!!!!! It's like they know and are trying to thrwart me!!
Actually, this is always a concern that is brought up - eating out socially like that is more of a challenge for raw foodists, and now I believe it!
In conclusion -- I'm starving now!! :) Might have a 'real' salad, with veggies on it this time. And sunflower seeds. mummm.... :) And some fruit.  mummmm.... I wasn't very impressed with the lunch they fed us though - I wouldn't have paid $11.00 for it, that's for certain. Tomorrow I'm going to take some fruit along with me to eat. I can tell that I'm low on energy!
Oh man, last night I could really taste the metal toxins in my mouth. It was driving me bonkers! I even brushed my teeth twice and drank lots of water, nothing would help. It's gone now though.
Well, I'm starving, I'm gonna go fix myself something to eat before I die or something.

Letting Go

Had a headache today for the first time in 15 days... Just a mild one, I think it was because I was hungry maybe? I ate lunch and it went away afterwards sometime. And I do eat more veggies when I have dressing! :) That was my first taste of sugar in two weeks, but that is all organic ingredients. I was wondering if I would see any side effects from eating it again. But none so far. That is the only deviation from the Raw Lifestyle I'm doing, and it was only because it is basically the only way to make me eat more veggies right now. I did try the raw style first though before I made that decision. I did come home at lunch and have a big salad -- romaine, snap peas, carrots, brocolli, cauliflower and sunflower seeds. Pretty good. But it was way too much! I was just so excited for a salad I forgot my stomach is still tiny and can hardly hold two bitesize carrots. This salad filled half the plate and I ate it all! I shouldn't have. Man, I was overly-full and extremely uncomfortable the rest of the afternoon, I will have to watch that next time.
I made my first smoothie this morning, it was pretty good. I am very impressed with that new blender I bought -it's called the ninja. It had absolutely no problems chopping up those icecubes. And it has a little food processor with it too. Mumm, smoothie...making me so hungry now! But I think I will leave out the lemon next time, it was much too sour. (I still have a bag of lemons left, I'm trying to get rid of them before they rot!)
You know, since I started the fast I have hardly been watching TV at all. (maybe cause I'm researching all the time about this lifestyle?) But even when I do sit down to watch, it just doesn't hold my attention like it used to. I shut it off and do something else. And I also noticed that other sins I find myself trapped in have not caused me any problems for the past two weeks either. I have no desire for it, which is weird and calming at the same time. it's like while I am taking care of my body, it is also cleaning my mind. or something like that -- well, the spirit is cleaning both out I guess. I know I wouldn't have been able to do this at all if it had not been for God. If he had not been teaching me all year long and given me such an incredible desire to suddenly want to do this, I wouldn't be doing it at all. I know myself! And I know this is not normally how I react. I think that it was something that I told a friend one night -- that I know my body is broken, and I know it will never be perfect. Instead, I am excited and waiting for the body I will receive when I am in heaven. And ever since I wrote that, I think it had been on my mind - that really -- I have given up - given in to being fat because I think it's too hard - that God won't help me change that. Truthfully, being obese bothers me all the time, I can't enjoy myself like others and I have become a lazy couch potato...but I had given in to that lifestyle a long ago. I have never thought that I can be thin. I have never thought that I could lose weight. I just accepted that I am fat and can't do anything about it. And I began to realize that a couple weeks ago and it really kind of upset me - maybe not on a conscious level at the time, but it has now! Why are you giving in so easily? I asked myself -- you can be healthy while you are on earth as well. The kingdom of God is here and now -- it started when you were baptised! You don't have to be miserable and you don't have to feel like you should be. You can be happy! And when God set this master cleanse in front of me, it wasn't about the weight loss at first. It was about the detoxing. And then as I learned more about it during the course of those 10 days - and learned more about myself - I realized that I was making this harder than it should be - losing weight I mean. First I needed to change the way I though. During all of the cleanse I knew that I needed to become a vegetarian, and as I read back through each of those days I can see my thinking gradually begin to change and become more and more serious about my health. I began to see the effects of sugar on my body. I began to learn about myself. And again, God set one more thing down in front of me -- this raw food lifestyle. And it was at just the right time, when God knew I was ready to see it and not run away from it. It spiked my interest and I looked it up.
Oh man, how do I explain what I have learned over the past two weeks about this Raw Food Lifestyle?? Where do I even begin?
I discovered that it is extremely good for people who are obese - well really, anyone who is living on the SAD (standard american diet), even if you think you're healthy, you're not as healthy as you could be! If you can go 100% raw, you are getting the nutrience that your body is crying for because previously you've been eating a diet that is completely full of empty calories. Your body continously tells you to keep feeding it because it needs that fuel and you so you stuff yourself and overeat on all the wrong foods and it is just an endless cycle. But changing the way you eat -- eating as God intended you to eat -- your body is finally getting that nutrience it needs and doesn't have to work so hard at digesting things it's not meant to, it will start detox you almost immediately, the first couple days after you start. And it will start to cleanhouse big time. And if you are obese that excess weight will come off very quickly I guess, as much as 100 lbs in six months - so fast that it might cause you and others around you some concern if they don't understand what's going on inside your body during that time. And the great thing is that it's healthy weightloss - not this yo-yo dieting. Eventually your weight will even out where it's supposed to be. The weightloss isn't the only benefit -- you feel absolutely wonderful on this lifestyle - have tons of energy - your other health issues will most likely clear up, you will start to heal. Things like arthritus and diabetes clear up. And I guess it keeps you looking young.
I guess learning all that - it was kind of scarey those last four days of the cleanse - but I started to get excited about it. I knew that it was a drastic change to my diet, but I had also read that if you start this right after you've done a juice fast like the master cleanse it will be much easier, because you have already detoxed from all those terrible foods that you have been eating for years. You will no longer crave it. So I gave it a go. :) And honestly, it hasn't been too hard. I love being able to eat and listen to my body. I fully expect that God will help me through this. I know that it won't be easy, but I think that I'll eventually begin to see the effects that it has on my body and I will stick with it because that will make me all the more excited. I have started imagining myself being a thin person. I have never really done that before. I already feel like I have a lot more energy than before, and I can't believe that I am not craving sugary sweets and bean burritos or pizza and crap like that! No desire whatsoever! I am extremely happy about that.
Today I learned something cool -- you know how we're convinced that we are supposed to be taking vitamin supplements? Well, it's hard for your body to digest and actually use those pills. They're not in a form that is easily assimilated by the body. But -- fruits and veggies have all the vitamins and minerals you need and it's in a form that is easiest for the body to digest and use them! I guess that is probably why God told us we could have every fruit-bearing tree and plant for our diet -- he had already planned it to work like that. ;) It just amazes me that we try to do things in our own ways and methods, but it's never as good as the way that God intended to begin with. That goes for anything!!

Telling People

Jeez, I keep telling people I'm going vegan! And then I have to explain why. And then I have to explain the master cleanse! :) I think that it's because I'm just so excited about it.
Anyway, I talked to Ruth and Dianne about it a little tonight. Ruth says my skin has a glow to it. ;) That gives me more motivation -- not the glowy skin thing - that fact that more people know now! It will make me less apt to turn back now because I want to prove myself right. And I will! I will! :) I'm doing really good today by the way. Had 2 oranges this morning, three bananas, honey dew melon, a handful of dried strawberries (which is good by the way), three apples, Some pinnapple, cauliflower, carrots... I think that's it. Might have a smoothie - well, it's getting late now, probably not. I know that I need to eat better though. I tried the dressing that I made last night - don't like it - to vinagary. So I bought some organic ranch dressing from the store - processed yes I know, it has sugar yes I know. But I need something to get me eating more veggies. So I decided that this will be the only allowance on this diet. I will be 99% raw. If I want to go 100% I'll figure that out at a future date. A girl I was reading about said that she still used dressings on her raw diet because she figured she didn't get fat by just eating dressing - it was everything else. Anyway, definantly have more energy and am happier tonight. Kind of quiet at work yet. More observant, I guess. Focusing on my quality and my production rather than talking. That's okay. Today I had to help with MCC work. I feel like a mindless drone now! :)
But I cut up that pinapple and juiced two pieces of it, a nectarine, and an orange, that will be the mix for my frozen smoothy in the morning. :) Maybe that will make me more energetic! I bought some kale too, gonna see what that green stuff tastes like when juiced.... :} hehe. Maybe I'll throw in a carrot for some sweetness. I also bought some cherries and more bananas - bought organic bananas - they definantly taste much better then the regular kind. Sweeter taste to them or something like that. And I bought another melon. Trying to figure out how I am going to budget for this diet - I think that I will need to go up to at least $200.00 a month for groceries??? But then again - that is taking out all the time you used to go out. THat's probably at least $70.00 right there... I think that it can be done. I just need to save that money over the entire month.
You know -- I still don't crave sweets or processed foods. I don't even feel like I want to go out to eat or anything. It's such a wonderful feeling. I just have to figure out how much I need to be eating each day.