Good Feelings

I just noticed that since I started the master cleanse on June 9th - I have not had any back pain at all. Normally it is really bad and usually my neck is always hurting and I always have a hard time trying to sleep at night. All that has gone away - I haven't had any problems since I started. And I remember that in the days before I started I must have twisted a muscle my back pretty good because I would move and gasp because it would hurt so much. The very first day I started the master cleanse it was gone and I have not noticed any problems since then. Well -- when I sit here on the couch like this my back starts to ache a little, but it goes away as soon as I get up.
But I've been sleeping a lot better too, except from 6-7 when the sun has come up and I am trying to hide my eyes from it! Must sleep...9 more minutes... How come alarm clocks have 9 minute intervules anyway!? :) And I remember that I have been having vivid dreams every night now, I don't remember what they were about, but I just know that the night has been full of dreams. I know before this I rarely remember dreaming.
Mood has been rather up and down lately, especially at work - mostly cause I just don't want to be there anymore! Sick and tired of worrying about getting at least 35 hours every single week when we are being pushed out the door two hours early each day... Well-- except for today-- Lori handed me an order -- at 5pm!! And said 'I'm sorry! This came down from the office late, I don't know where they were hiding it! It needs to get out tonight!!" I said - ok, I'll get it done quick, figuring it'd take me five minutes -- not knowing that it was an ASPEN order! (Aspen orders are neither quick nor easy...) Ten minutes later she ran over with the other eight parts that goes with the order that I have... Everyone else left - you think that while I was working on the first part, another Aspen GA could have taken the other parts and figure them out! I was sort of pissed by then. ;) 
Five minutes later everyone was gone except the two boys, even my sup and groupleader. And there was no one to verify that it was correct, I had to turn Char's computer back on to even send it to the Room. It took me an extra hour finish. Maybe less if Joshua and Todd would stop talking at me the entire time... :) hehe. So hopefully I did it right, I'm not 100% sure on those Aspen orders like I am on the regular stuff! I hate when they do that to us. Who cares if I have a life... Thankfully, I don't have a life, not tonight anyway. :) So I didn't really mind that much. I guess that is the the kind of stuff -- the 'going beyond what is expected' that the sup has her eye out for anyway. But they always do that crap to me! :) They must know I'll just do it and not whine like everyone else. :) I just write about them and whine about it then!hehe.
Anyway -- I had noticed that my mood was like this, and didn't really know if it was from just being unhappy - or if it's detox issues. Actually, I haven't really noticed any detox problems after I transitioned to the raw diet. I think I'm just not happy, this job depresses me and that's not a good spot to be in. Anyway, I lay in bed last night thinking about that, remembering the one other time that work was really getting to me - I had gone on a long walk that time and just talked to God and poured out all my anxieties on him. After that I was fine. So I did that again last night as I was laying in bed - I just prayed. Please Lord, give me peace and make me happy at work, let me be like I am when I'm around my church friends. Please help me to be content, I prayed. And I know that I can only ever be content when I am in Christ. And if He needs to make some changes in my life, to my body, to my mind, to my career, then I'm giving that over. Take it... And the next morning I was fine. Today I have been feeling great. All smiles like usual. Except when they hand me 8-part orders at 5pm when I am about to leave!
Aside from all that, I have been thinking about pursuing my photography more. Even if I were to get a job in the walmart studio just to learn the trade, I would do it. I think it would make me much happier than I am right now. I think that it would be very satisfying. But not yet, I decided. I'm going to think on that for a few months. I am going to go into this raw diet with all that I have and I don't want any major changes like that to screw it all up. I have never been so - I don't know how to describe this feeling that I have - so excited about this. I have never ever believed I could lose weight and be healthy and pretty. Never have I believed that. And that stopped me from even trying. But something in me has changed and I don't even know how to describe what I am feeling! It is wonderful though. I know that it is all God. I would never have this much self-control - I would never do this on my own. I don't want to. God has just been teaching me so many things this past year about fasting and eating and making me painfully obvious to what my current diet is doing to me. To tell you the truth - I learned about the Master Cleanse one night while I was on Earthclinic.com looking for cold remedies. I don't even know why it caught my eyes, but someone had a post on it, she mentioned the ingredients. I was thinking - these people are starving themselves! Why would you ever do that? I don't even know why I did any research on it at all! haha. Somehow my thinking went from negative to completely the opposite as soon as I learned more. A week later I went and bought myself a bunch of lemons!! It was the same with the Raw Vegan lifestyle. At the beginning of the Master Cleanse I had every intention of going right back into my old SAD lifestyle (Standard American Diet). And somehow - while enduring flu-like symptoms for a week and feeling like crap - I learned about the raw diet - and I remember thinking distinctly that I would never have enough self-control to eat only fruits and veggies. I need my sweets and chocolate!! And it went from that negative thinking into the complete opposite somehow in less than two days - and now I am gung-hoe about it. I think after enduring the Master Cleanse - which was the hardest and most satisfying thing I have ever done in my life! I realized that I did in fact have self-control - lots of it! I didn't have to let my stomach govern me. I didn't want it to. I began to learn about my body then and what sugar did to it. And I didn't want those headaches and those backaches because - man, I just feel so good right now! :) I first decided to do it for 2 weeks. Then for one month. Then for 6 months. :)  For the first week I had to take it day by day because it scared the crap out of me!! But now it is much easier this week. I am getting used to the routine. And I even kind of like those green smoothies in the morning. Yes, I know, strange. And, well, I have always loved fruit and salads, so I'm kind of in heaven now. ;) One thing that helped me - and still helps me - is continuing to learn about this lifestyle from people who are already doing it. And seeing the before and after pics are very inspiring to say the least. I wonder what I would look like outside of this - well, this fat-suit, because everyone looks completely different and so pretty when they lose all that excess weight. They don't even look like the same person. :) And it's so nice to have friends and family who are supporting me, and - well, yes, even Joshua, who still reminds me everyday that I cannot have sugar. I know he's just waiting for me to screw up. hehe. I'm not going to though. Actually, I think he's more concerned that I may never make him cookies again. He was very worried about that last week! :D I have had no desire to bake or cook. In fact - I hardly have any dishes anymore! THat's great, I hate washing dishes. :) And it's much easier when I'm living like this - it's more simple. I hated cooking for myself (I was a fast-food queen!) I don't have to be in the kitchen for 30min-1hour preparing food anymore - it only takes me 5-10 minutes now. :)
I still find it really weird that I don't crave sweets or chocolate or processed foods, fast food. Not in the least. Not even pizza...unless I think about it too much. :P I guess that Master Cleanse detox is really powerful. That's good. Because if I did crave those things, I wouldn't be able to do this at all.
Soli deo gloria -- to God alone be the Glory. :)